Parallels found on the road...

Here is an article I wrote recently for my ward (YSA) newsletter. It's a bit long but I like it this way.

Parallels Found on the Road

Just over a year ago I entered a very serious relationship. I have had so much fun since the day I was first introduced. I can say it has been completely blissful pretty much every day since we met. We’ve gone on road trips and created many wonderful adventures and memories together. What has made this relationship so successful over the last year? There are a couple of things that come to my mind immediately. It required a huge level of commitment and knowing what I wanted out of the relationship and not settling for less.

So how did this magic happen? What exactly happened last year? Ok, truthfully, last year I bought my new car. Hey I got your attention didn’t I? Stick with me on this one. Seriously, just trust me and you’ll be convinced that the things I learned that first month are completely applicable to a “real” relationship. I love analogies. Perhaps this one has something to do with how we see and relate to all serious commitments in our lives. Perhaps?

Not more than two weeks after I bought my car I was driving around town pondering (I’m sure the usual things we twenty-somethings ponder) when something happened. I pulled up to a stop light and right next to me pulled up the most attractive shiny, black, sporty hunk of a new car. It still had the temporary tag in the window and all. “Oh.” I dreamily thought to myself. “What kind of car is that?!” I could feel my heart slightly race inside as I eyed its shinny rims. “It’s super sexy! I wonder if I would have liked that one bet. . .” I caught myself mid-sentence, no mid-word! What in the world was I thinking? I was in the car that I wanted. I was in a seriously committed relationship with the car I chose just two weeks ago.

Truthfully, I had wanted to purchase my car for more than two years before that wonderful day last July. I had thought about it and done my research. I discovered all the things that I knew were important to me. I knew what my “deal breakers” were, what I needed and what I wanted. I was truly and completely confident in what I was looking for. I knew the difference between finding the “perfect car” and the “perfect car for me”. Honestly, my ideal car with all of my ideal features doesn’t currently exist anywhere on planet earth. Trust me, I checked. Twice.

So what was this research I did? What does that mean? Well, let me give you a few examples. I knew in addition to the make and model that it needed to be a 2006 or newer and I absolutely had to have the following features: sunroof; power doors, steering, mirrors and locks; AC; keyless entry; remote control on the steering wheel; iPod jack; CD player; cruise control; 4-door; automatic; 4 cylinder engine; alloy wheels and any color but gold or atomic blue (serious DEAL BREAKER for me!).

You might think it odd that I feel I had to have some of those things. I don’t care if you think that. That’s fine. Because to me, if I was going to make this huge purchase, I was going to make sure what I was buying was what I wanted. Now, to some of you I’m sure there are different items that fall into your “must have” category when searching for a car. For example, some people want leather seats or a navigation system. Others strongly prefer manual transmission or a V-6 engine. Some require personal thermostat controls, a Bluetooth system and a garage door opener. You get the point. The list can go on and on. . .

That’s the beauty of it, each of us can personally find out what we want and what we individually feel are deal breakers. You have to know. You can’t depend on other people to make the decision for you. I had several pushy salesmen try to convince me that the two-door model that reeked of smoke was doable or the manual transmission wouldn’t really bug me when I’m stuck in traffic. Somehow multiple salesmen tried to convince me that the LX model was totally ok because it was the right year, etc even though it didn’t have the features that I found to be important to me. I took friends with me a few times as backup. I made sure they knew what I wanted so I wouldn’t lose sight of my goal. I didn’t want to be swayed willy-nilly by anyone. Interestingly enough, the day I bought my car I went by myself and did it completely on my own.

So, that afternoon, “mid-word” I was reminded from the logical part of my brain –it occasionally speaks up – that I had made a commitment. (In my logical part of my brain buying a new car is a fairly significant commitment. It’s much more serious than new shoes, furniture or electronics. It is c-o-m-m-i-t-m-e-n-t!) I had been absolutely certain of my decision when I test drove the car and signed the papers. I had thought that maybe it was too good to be true. I knew I had made the right choice. My car was a color I wanted; it had all the features I wanted; and it had incredible mileage and a fantastic price. Huge points that could have been deal breakers but instead made the deal happen. I was sold. My research and patience had paid off. I finally found it!

And something else quite wonderful has happened on various occasions since that time. There are other features I’ve discovered that my car has that are so coolthat I didn’t even know about. There are all of these “little bonuses” that I continually find. For example, when I slow down the radios volume turns down on its own! Love that one. I have a friend that her car does that too but I had no idea mine would as well. I was so excited when I discovered that feature further down the road (no pun intended). There are many other practical benefits that I’ve discovered along the way over the last year.

So, what it comes down to are a few simple things. We each need to know what we want, what is crucially important. It might not be the same things that your best friend finds essential but that’s ok. Your best friend isn’t the one that will be in your relationship with your car, you are. If you’ve come to learn that you cannot function after you commute to work without AC then you know that’s something important to you. Focus on the things you can control. Remember that you do the choosing. It’s YOUR choice. Do your research and be patient. And after you’ve made a decision, don’t be easily swayed. Stand your ground. Eventually you’ll find that dream car, possibly in the last place you thought you would, like Layton, Utah. Blissfully happy is possible but you have to help make it happen.

The Candy Drawer

Ever since I can remember my family has had what we call “The Candy Drawer.” What is “The Candy Drawer” you ask. Well, in order to really explain you first need to know something about the family I grew up in. You see, we are all big pigs. Okay, okay, don’t get in your minds the image of a bunch of 600 pound people with fried chicken stuck in their fat rolls sitting around watching Judge Judy all day and sucking off the welfare system while you are at work…we aren’t that bad. We probably aren’t even obese or anything, but we like food (particularly candy and sweets) just like most Mormons do. No coffee, no tea, no alcohol, no cigs…but they didn’t say no SUGAR, although I’m sure the “everything in moderation” part should cover that one. Mormons don’t have the luxury of having other addictions so we like candy.

So treats don’t really last too long around my parents’ house. At least not the good treats. And that is where the candy drawer comes in. The candy drawer is a small corner drawer in my parents’ kitchen. It could just as well be called the reject candy drawer as it very rarely has anything good in it…at least not for long. Growing up usually the candy drawer contained things like: banana flavored Laffy Taffy, grape Jolly Ranchers, sunflower seeds, broken candy canes from last Christmas, Hershey’s Special Dark chocolate (you know from those mixed bags of Hershey’s chocolates), etc. You get the idea…basically only candy you’d eat when you are desperate.


And that’s usually what happened. There would be a stash of this normally undesirable candy that would build up. But then something would change…usually it would be during a big snowstorm when we couldn’t get to the store, or a Fast Sunday when our blood sugar was all out of whack and all of a sudden that banana flavored Laffy Taffy didn’t look so horrible and it would get eaten.

And this was how it always was with the candy drawer…mediocre candy getting eaten in times of desperation and sugar shortage. But then something changed…my little brother got married and all of a sudden we had a new person in the mix. And my new sister-in-law loved dark chocolate. So that dark chocolate that in the past built up in the drawer only to be eaten in times of famine didn’t build up anymore. And things that my sister-in-law didn’t necessarily prefer would get thrown into the drawer. It was sort of weird at first. We all didn’t know what to think and did not even realize what was going on at first. I remember thinking, ‘Where is all that yucky dark chocolate and who in the heck was crazy enough to throw this Chick-O-Stick into the candy drawer?’

And then I realized…someone with new tastes came along and the whole balance of what the candy drawer had been for years changed.

Well, here’s the tie in. I started thinking about that candy drawer a little differently when my sister-in-law came along and I started to get all deep and compare the reject candy drawer to myself, feeling like a reject Mormon, a left-over, a banana Laffy Taffy if you know what I mean. And then I thought to myself, ‘I don’t want to get taken out of the reject drawer on a day of desperation…a snowstorm or Fast Sunday. I don’t want to just have a guy like me because they are sick of looking, sick of people bugging them about not being married, or have finally realized that something better just isn’t going to come along. I don’t want to be taken out of the drawer just to fill some guy’s need for a short term sugar fix…only to be forgotten about as soon as a better treat comes along.’

Instead, here is what I want. I want someone new to come into my candy drawer ecosystem, open the drawer and see that banana flavored Laffy Taffy and say to themselves… ‘WOW. These are my FAVORITE! How did this get left in here? What dummy would leave a banana Laffy Taffy in the candy drawer? I’m so glad my favorite candy is in this candy drawer…what a lucky guy I am!’

This post doesn’t contain any major advice or help on being a single woman…other than…let’s keep believing that someday, sometime, hopefully, the right guy is going to come along, open up that left-over candy drawer and be ecstatic that you are still there. And that may only happen after hundreds of other guys open up that drawer, see you and say to themselves, “YUCK, that’s not my favorite, I’ll keep looking.” But who cares about those guys anyway? All we need to worry about is keeping ourselves ready and available so when finally some guy opens up the drawer and says, “YUM, my favorite!” we will be ready to go. And we’ll be pumped to get out of that drawer and move on…especially since for some of us our expiration dates may be getting close!

Some girls are Snickers, Twixes or M&Ms…candy you can find in pretty much any part of the world and candy that pretty much everyone likes. So of course they get taken out of the drawer quickly. I like to think that all of us older single LDS women that are still left are specialty candies though. Candy that people crave…candy that people miss when they are in foreign countries, candy that can’t be found just anywhere, maybe even candy that is an aquired taste. But, we are somebody’s favorite candy…I am sure. I mean, if no one liked Banana Laffy Taffies wouldn’t they just stop making them? And if there wasn’t someday, in some part of our existance, going to be someone just perfect for us, then wouldn’t God stop making us special, rare, unique women? I like to think so.

the little things...

Sunday evening I had the opportunity to hang out with my siblings and eight nieces and nephews. The house was total chaos. The kids were all sugared up and ready to GO! My brother was so completely stressed out from the noise he took 1/2 a Valium. (We kept waiting for it to kick in because we thought he was going to lose it.) I guess the kids have been going crazy for days and he'd just had enough.

As we were sitting at the table playing games I had this blessed realization that the noise wasn't really bothering me. [In fact, earlier in the night I'm pretty sure I was contributing to it. I love my little nieces and nephews laughter so I was tickling, chasing and "tormenting" them just to hear their little shrieks of laughter.] I turned to my sisters and brother and asked them, "Is it really that noisy? I guess I'm not really bothered by it because I know at the end of the night, I'm going home to a completely quiet and calm house. No kids bouncing off the walls there! It was quiet when I left and it'll be quiet when I get home."

Not one of them thought that was very funny. Hey, I've gotta enjoy the little things like peace and quiet while I can. (I also very much enjoy my nieces and nephews too!)

I Love My Stuff

The other day I was laying on my bed and looking around my bedroom and all I could think was, "All this stuff is mine." Marriage will be great. I know. But I'm going to have to share everything then. Right now, all my stuff is just for me. When, other than now, can I ever have turquoise walls and hot pink curtains and bedsheets? I love it.

Being Single CAN Totally Rock!

So, I've invited some of my wittiest friends to join me on this endeavor. :)

Some people think it's seriously so amazing to be a newlywed and married and they are so blissfully happy. And if you're not married, that can never be you...you CANNOT be happy! HOWEVER, you can be just as amazingly, blissfully, happy as a single person. OH NO! Did I "say" that out loud!? For real! It's true! You can be happy and single.

This is an opportunity to collectively share our most entertaining, fun, enlightening, blissful and happy moments that happen to us as single adults! So feel free to share and read and share! :)